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World Headquarters Sitemap

...Or the nerve center of college football.

05/20/2002

Gentleman and Ladies, the management of the media conglomerate that is GACFF is proud to announce our grand opening of our newly remodeled and upgraded worldwide headquarters. We have invested the billions in lucrative television revenues the corporation has earned over the past decade into the perfect location for any college football fanatic. We have endeavored to meet all your conceivable needs. Please feel free to make the trip to the headquarters it has been built for the express purposes of our loyal members. To help you once you have arrived the management has made available this handy sitemap of the entire facility. As you can see there is no better place than GACFF.


1. Garage


  1. Road trip car: 1961 Cadillac Eldorado Convertible. Plenty of room to stretch out and enjoy the summer sun as you cruise down the highway on your way to no place in particular.

  2. Mach 6: Pops built one more car after Speed's. We were fortunate to be in the market when this unique vehicle became available. Take it out for a spin. It's a hoot. Just don't press button 'j', we don't no what it does.

  3. 37 Chevy Street Rod: Very Cool, and a real head turner. Made by Schafer Brothers, Inc (Aloha Nole's Uncle and Father); this car is a real smooth ride.

  4. 1963 Corvette Stingray: One of the coolest, and rarest of all the Corvettes ever made. It was a toss-up between this one, and a convertible. We decided to go for this one because of its rarity. Take it over to the track and see how it handles.

  5. Ford Shelby Cobra: 1,200-pound car, 427 cubic inches of motor, & 750 screaming ponies. You do the math! 0 to 100 and back to 0 in 13.1 seconds. MORE POWER, so much power that even Tim Taylor is afraid of this beast. Are you? If you have the $500,000, I recommend the purchase. If not, try this one on for size.

  6. Monster Truck: Bigfoot to be exact. Don't worry; we bring in cars and stuff just for crushing.

  7. M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank: The main armored vehicle for the United States military. It will really get up and move (somewhere around 60 mph). Feel free to take it out and crush a few things.

  8. Winston Cup Racecar: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to drive an actual NASCAR Winston Cup racecar? Now is your chance. We bought this car from Hendrick Motor sports. It is the exact car that 4-time Winston Cup Champion Jeff Gordon drove to victory at Kansas Super speedway in September 2001. Thank goodness we have our own 1-3/4 mile Super speedway here in the GACFF Compound. Go for a spin and see what it's like to do 195 mph. It's a kick in the pants.

  9. 57 Chevy Bel Aire: Pink in color (by request of Memphis Vol/Duck/Griz), another cool cruiser.

  10. Harley Davidson Dyna Wide Glide: Very nice cruiser, feel the wind in your hair (Here a GACFF, we don't have a helmet law). It will surely turn some heads as you cruise by. EXTRA LOUD, of course.

  11. Suzuki GSX-R1000 Race Bike: Probably the fastest production motorcycle being made today. It will do around 180 mph. Do you "Feel the need for speed", take it for a spin.

  12. Yamaha YZ426F Dirt Bike: Probably the perfect Dirt Bike. You could have lots of fun at our outdoor dirt track. Plenty of jumps, burms, ramps, and other neat stuff. If you are not into two wheels, go to the Auxiliary garage and take out one of our 15 4-wheelers.

  13. 1930 Ford Model A Street Rod: Street Rods are really cool. Also made by Schafer Brothers, Inc. The only problem is...we may have to enlarge the garage, because Aloha Nole has his eye on some more Rods for the Headquarters.



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